I felt like I need to give an explanation, and I also felt like I needed to document that explanation here. Just for me, and for anyone else who happens by.
I have been dying to know what the Summer Musical would be since December. Musical theatre is one of the joys of my life, and I think it always will be. However, at the end of May we were offered a rental home in a smaller town just outside of our already tiny town. We're thrilled to finally have a semi-permanent place of our own here in Mayberry, seing as we've been looking for over a year. Unfortunately, this means we now live nearly 30 miles from the local community theatre as opposed to 15. I realize an additional 10-15 miles may not seem like much, but when you already spend a substantial amount ($200+) in gas each month driving back and forth to work it really adds up. Gas prices aside, we’ve never lived anywhere that we’ve truly had the option to make it our own. Our landlords are pretty much giving us free reign with regards to painting and decorating (within reason), and I’m very excited to get started. I may not be able to be a housewife just yet, but gosh darn it when I’m off work I can pretend I am! (I spend more time Pinteresting new ways to clean a home [and less time actually cleaning it] than any sane person should.) ;) Rehearsals added to a forty hour work week don't really allow much time for that. Especially when you haven't had a chance to fully unpack and set up your house yet. I know myself well enough to know that the first thing to get tossed by the wayside when I start work on a show is any and all housework. This is including, but not limited to, cooking dinner, so that any attempts at healthy eating also go out the window. Which leads me to my other reason for not auditioning: I’m too fat to dance.
My weight has always been a real struggle for me. I’ve yoyo-ed over the years, but since my 20th birthday I’ve gained over 100 pounds. My New Year’s Resolution this year (like every year since I was around ten) was to lose weight and become healthier. I started out pretty well. I was eating better (notice how I said “better” and not “great”) and I had even started maintaining a daily exercise program. I felt better. My knees didn’t ache as much, I had more energy, and I lost a few pounds. Then we started rehearsals for our Spring Show. *Poof* All of my willpower and resolve disappeared. I just didn’t have it in me to get up at 6:00 am, do a fifteen minute workout before work, sit at a desk typing for eight hours, run home and grab a PB&J, sit in rehearsals for three hours, get home by 9:00, do another fifteen minute workout, keep my house clean, and still have time to enjoy a personal life. By the time the show was over, we had moved back in with family and I didn’t have a place I felt comfortable exercising. Not because anyone would have cared, but simply because that’s something I prefer to do in private. Regardless, I haven’t lost anywhere near the amount of weight I was hoping to have lost by the time auditions for the Summer Musical rolled around. I had been looking forward to auditioning since December, and had this vague idea of losing a ton of weight, magically blowing everyone away at auditions, and landing an amazing role. Needless to say, that is not what happened. Not to sound like a fifteen year old girl weeping in the bathroom during prom, but I can’t stand to look at pictures of myself at the moment. I’m much too large to be traipsing around on stage, pretending I can dance without getting winded. Unless of course we had been going to do Hairspray. In which case I would have auditioned with “Big, Blonde, and Beautiful”. ;) Now that I’ve heard they're doing The Wedding Singer I’m a million times more bummed out. It’s one of my absolute favorite movies. I realize the stage show is different, but still. Waaah.
Please don’t think that I think it matters one way or the other if I’m in the show or not. I’m not trying to imply that I’m the local theatre queen or that anyone would be devastated by the fact that I’m sitting this show out. Or have even noticed that I hadn’t auditioned. Hell, they may even be relieved. In which case, :-P to them.
Break a leg!
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